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How to cause your wife or girlfriend to suddenly become interested in you again if she’s cold, distant and no longer interested in sex.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a thirty-six year old viewer who has used what my book, articles and videos teach, along with a marriage counselor, to save his twelve-year marriage and family. His brother introduced him to my work after his wife had taken his kids and left when they had a heated argument. She had told him she no longer loved him and felt they had grown apart. He details what he did and said to turn things around and cause her to suddenly become interested in him again. She recently told him she wanted to renew their wedding vows, and for the first time in two years, she loved him. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
Hello Coach Corey,
I’m a 36-year old man, I’ve known my wife for 15 years and been married for 12. A year and a half ago, I started noticing a change in my wife’s behavior. She became distant, and our sex life almost disappeared. (As I say in my book, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close. When I talk to guys who are in long-term relationships, 99% of the time they do one of two things. They’re either not communicating with their girlfriend or wife properly, or they stop dating and courting her like they once did, and they in essence have become roommates.) I tried several times asking her what the problem was, but she never gave me a solid answer. She would say that she was always tired from taking care of our children, and that she was never really in the mood to have sex anymore. (Obviously, she didn’t feel beautiful, she didn’t feel appreciated, she didn’t feel special, she didn’t feel courted, and if you’re not taking the time to communicate, talk, open her up like you once did, and go out on dates like you did when you first met, all women are going to get to this point. It’s simply just a matter of time.) For some reason, I thought this was going to go away on its own, and I became complacent. Fast forward to last summer, our relationship had taken a dive, and the communication was no longer there, sex was nonexistent and I found myself submerged and fully focused on my job. (Guys are driven to succeed. If our girl is happy, we feel successful, and if she’s unhappy, we take credit for that as well. If a guy is unable to, on a perpetual basis, feel like he’s able to make his woman feel happy, eventually he’s going to give up and withdraw. That’s what you see here. You’re focusing on your job instead of your relationship. It’s a pretty common thing I see.)
It was not until after a big discussion that my wife revealed to me that she had grown apart from me, and she no longer loved me. I refused to accept what she was telling me and reacted in a negative way. I became angry to the point that I made a big scene at home, causing her to leave with our kids. I then realized that the next step for her was to divorce me. (When the breakup happens and she moves out, that’s when the reality sets in that all of those things she had been saying for awhile she really meant.) I reacted right away and sought help. I contacted a marriage counselor, and I was able to convince my wife to go with me to couple’s therapy. (That’s great. The fact that she actually went with you is a good sign, because it takes two people to make a relationship work. A lot of times when men or women come to me, it’s after the other person has stopped responding and has basically told them to pound sand and go away. At the end of the day, in order to make a relationship work, both people have to be willing to make the effort. The fact she was willing to go to couple’s therapy is a big reason why you were able to work things out. A lot of guys aren’t in that situation. And for the guys that are in the situation where she’s not interested in counseling, she’s just interested in divorce, that’s where you state what you want, just like I talk about in my articles and videos, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” and “The Best Strategy To Get An Ex Back,” and go on with your life. Focus on you and making yourself happy, and with the other person, leave the door open and tell them, “When you’re ready to talk it out, give me a call.”) For the next 3 months, I became a roller coaster of emotions. I lost a bunch weight and couldn’t reconcile with my sleep. I became paranoid with the thought of her leaving me, and suddenly found myself trapped in a corner of depression.
It wasn’t until my brother told me about you and your book that he shared with me. (You could have the best couple’s therapist in the world, but if you’re not acting like a man is supposed to act and taking care of the things a man is supposed to take care of, you’re not going to be able to save it. If both people aren’t centered in their masculine or feminine energy, based on what their natural essences is, that sexual polarity is just not going to be there. If you don’t have sexual polarity, you’re just going to have feelings of platonic friendship towards the other person, and them towards you.) From day one, I began to understand a bunch of things that I was doing wrong. I learned to accept my reality, and I stopped torturing myself with the thought of her leaving, to the point that it no longer haunts me. (If you focus on being the best version of yourself, she still may leave you. You’ll either get the ex back, or you’ll get someone better, because when you apply the things I teach, you will become a person of higher value. The more high value you are, the happier you are, the more exciting life is to you, and that vibration you give off will cause you to attract somebody else who’s in the same vibrational state you are. You have to become the kind of person you want to attract.) I became secure with myself and recovered my confidence and self-esteem. (It’s not that you lost your confidence or your self-esteem. You just stopped demonstrating what you were, and then you got back to your basics once you realized what you were doing differently now versus the guy you used to be that caused her to first fall in love with you.) I did all this only for myself, but my wife noticed the change, and suddenly she became interested in me again. (In other words, you took care of what you could control. You started acting like a man, being the leader, taking care of things, being a good listener, courting her properly again and became that guy that she fell in love with when you first met.)
Today I am in charge of my marriage. I keep on reading your book and subscribe to your videos and newsletters. I feel now that I have learned the tools needed to have a successful relationship, and all is thanks to my brother and to you. (Well, you did the work. You were open to a solution, you were searching for a solution, and thankfully, you had a brother that hooked you up. Your success or failure begins with what you do or fail to do.) My wife and I continue to visit the couple’s therapist, and we have made enormous progress in our relationship. Every new day I find a way of making her whole, and the best part of it all is that she reciprocates. (The purpose of all relationships, not just intimate ones, is you go there to give. You’re there to help each other grow and become more. You’re there to meet each other’s needs. It’s not about dragging the other person along with you or vice versa. And if you’re being dragged along by your partner, your friends, your lovers or your employer, eventually they’re going to get tired of carrying your ass and they’re going to toss you aside. Like Albert Einstein said, “Focus on becoming a person of value.”) Last week, she told me that she wanted us to renew our vows, and for the first time in two years she told me that she loves me. (That’s fucking awesome dude. I’m really happy for you. I’m happy you were able to save your marriage and your family. It’s your birthright. You deserved this. All you needed was to fill in your knowledge gap and take the appropriate action, and you got predictable results.)
“By focusing on becoming a person of high value, who loves their life and their life’s work, you will give off the vibe that other potential high value lovers also are giving off. By becoming the type of person that you want to attract, you will automatically attract like-minded lovers who share the same goals and values effortlessly. Meeting the right person is a side effect of becoming the best version of you. Like attracts like. It’s a universal law.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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