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Why asking quality questions, being a good communicator and being focused on mutually meeting each others needs, is essential to maintaining any healthy friendship or relationship long term. Why holding back or seeking to punish those who you feel wronged by, is not loving or helpful to the long term success of your relationships.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a woman who is struggling to communicate effectively with her live in boyfriend. When she gets frustrated that she can’t communicate her needs effectively to him, she tends to back away and doubt the future of the relationship. Currently, she said that she is spending time away from him and wonders if that is not helpful to their relationship. I also discuss an upcoming documentary a young filmmaker is making after spending a year interviewing people who are in love: straight couples, gay couples, lesbian couples, guys with multiple live in girlfriends, etc. He discovered many of the same truths about successful relationships that I teach in my book, articles and videos.
“The quality of any intimate relationship, friendship or business relationship is directly proportional to the quality of the questions that people who are in relationship with each other consistently ask. The purpose of all relationships is that you go there to give. You are there to meet each others needs, and to help each other grow and become more. You should view all people who you are in relationship with as being on the same team. If you are frustrated or have a hard time communicating your needs and wants to others, withdrawing and punishing the other person by staying away on purpose is not loving or kind, and certainly will not help your relationship thrive and survive longterm. Women tend to be focused on emotions, bonding, connecting and relating to each other in relationship. Men tend to be more logically focused and need to feel successful at making their women happy. If the woman constantly berates her man and tears him down, she will make him eventually give up on trying to make her happy because she never makes him feel successful, and therefore, he will withdraw from the relationship and no longer make an effort since it feels hopeless. Women should understand that men need specific step by step logical instructions to follow in order to meet their needs; or they will not understand what women really want and need from them. The relationship can not survive the absence of asking good quality questions of each other, being a good teammate, good communication or a continual lack of meeting each others needs.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne